Myth-tery

I was looking for music on YouTube like I sometimes do when I had a hankering to hear “Strange Magic.” I get cravings for music the way pregnant women crave pickles and ice cream.

All that kept coming up was the song by ELO and a bunch of cover bands. That didn’t make any sense. I was looking for the song by Chicago. Not when Peter Cetera was the lead singer. That other guy. What’s-His-Name. I kept re-searching, hoping for different results. Finally I picked the most viewed video by ELO. Bingo! I didn’t know ELO sang “Strange Magic.” I felt like the people in those Cox commercials. It made me wonder what else I didn’t know.

Maybe you’re better than me at music trivia but there’s a lot of myths we all believe. Like that Sherlock Holmes often said, “Elementary, my dear Watson” but he never actually did. So here’s a few commonly believed myths that I thought worthy of mentioning:

  • MYTH: If you ask an officer if he’s a cop he has to tell you the truth. FACT: Actually, he doesn’t. The law is only concerned with entrapment, whether an officer entices you to commit a crime you wouldn’t otherwise have committed.
  • MYTH: We only use 10% of our brains. FACT: Nobody knows for sure where this myth originated but any MRI scan will show that even while asleep most of the brain is always active.
  • MYTH: You get sick being out in the cold. FACT: Germs that make you sick live in warm temperatures. People get sick because in cold weather they spend more time indoors huddled together.
  • MYTH: When left to soak overnight a penny will dissolve in Coke so that must mean it will rot your teeth and eat away at your stomach. FACT: First of all, if this were true I would be the first to know about it. I drink Coke like it’s my job and I still have my stomach and all of my teeth. The truth is Coke is less acidic than OJ and it would take months to dissolve a penny. Since Coke doesn’t sit in our bodies anywhere near that length of time, I think we’re safe.
  • MYTH: The word meaning “held as opinion” is pronounced supposeBly. FACT: It’s spelled with a “d” so you pronounce it with a “d.” This isn’t really a common myth but it is annoying.
  • MYTH: A fish’s memory span lasts only a few seconds. FACT: Dory from “Finding Nemo” was a-dory-ble but blue fish actually have long-term memory. Rainbow trout even develop personalities.
  • MYTH: Both the Johnny Depp version and the original movie were titled, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” FACT: The original was titled “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Ok, maybe this one was just me but I was surprised when I found out – like my whole childhood had been a lie.

If you really want to get crazy and start checking the validity of all those annoying email forwards you get, go to www.snopes.com.  And go ahead. Swim right after eating. You won’t drown and probably won’t even get a cramp.

Happy Fill-in-the-Blank Day

I feel like I got hit by a truck this holiday season. The shopping, the wrapping, the socializing. Blah blah blah. Don’t get me wrong. I love my family and it’s cool when people come in from out of town. But enough is enough. I was relieved when I said goodbye to the last out-of-towners and my DD went back to school. Finally. Normal life could resume.

I’ve since come to find out that it is not enough that we have 8 major holidays per year and that Christmas has turned into a week long extravaganza. There is a plethora of obscure holidays and observances that I never knew existed. We do not have to live one day of our over-scheduled lives without celebrating one thing or another.

For instance, among many other things, January is National Bird Feeding Month, National Mail Order Gardening Month, National Hot Tea Month, and Oatmeal Month. (I’m feeling really good about all the oatmeal I just bought now.) It is also the month of awareness. January’s 31 days are the designated time to become aware of glaucoma, thyroids, self-help groups, poverty in America, and personal self-defense. Mind you, to become an “official observance” there must be an origin source and official sponsor. So, there really is an organization devoting time and energy to making sure January is recognized as National Soup Month. And no, it is not Campbell’s.

January has also been fragmented into weeks of mini-observations. This week we are to be celebrating life, resolving to diet, and commemorating the invention of the silent record, whatever that is.

But it doesn’t stop there. Each day we can look forward to escaping the monotony of life by recognizing a quirky pseudo-holiday. We’ve already missed Happy Mew Year for Cats Day, National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day, and Dimpled Chad Day. (Now how would you celebrate that?) Fortunately we can all still look forward to Bubble Bath Day, National English Toffee Day, Belly Laugh Day, and Appreciate a Dragon Day. Perhaps we should all dread January 17. That’s Judgment Day.

Personally, I’m looking forward to January 7th – I’m Not Going to Take it Anymore Day. (It’s real. Google it.)

Happy Three Kings’ Day.

January Holidays

The Only Thing we Have to Fear… is Everything

I hate it when people block an aisle. Pushing my cart through the grocery store tonight, I found myself having to cut through the liquor aisle to avoid a traffic jam. Every time I go down this aisle I have the irrational fear that my cart will careen out of control, crash into the shelves and take out a cache of Cristal. I steer my cart down the middle of the aisle.  It got me thinking about some of my other fears, like the one of my ceiling fan falling on me and dicing me into pieces. None of my fears are as strange as these phobias:

Anablephobia – Fear of looking up
Arachibutyrophobia – Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth
Bananaphobia – Fear of bananas
Frigophobia – Fear of cold objects
Geniophobia – Fear of chins
Scopophobia – Fear of being looked at

Some celebrities have some bizarre fears too. I read it on the Internet so it must be true.

Billy Bob Thornton is afraid of bold colors
Nicole Kidman is afraid of butterflies
Christina Ricci is afraid of indoor plants
Matthew McConaughey is afraid of revolving doors
Alfred Hitchcock was afraid of eggs
Sigmund Freud was afraid of traveling by train because the gas jets made him think of souls burning in Hell

Sorta makes me feel normal for the whole ceiling fan thing.

Image: via Left-Handed Toons

Cloudy with a chance of writing

The ironic truth about me being an aspiring author is that I don’t like to write. I only like to have written. Past tense. But this year my New Year’s resolutions are to keep my New Year’s resolutions and to write. And, oh yeah. Kill my inner critic. Afterall, if Stephenie Meyer can make the New York Times bestseller list then why can’t I write a little blog? I’m a stay-at-home mom too. I have dreams too. Although mine don’t usually feature sparkling vampires.

But that’s beside the point. In keeping with my resolution I created this blog. I wasted all the time I could justify on finding a blog name that wasn’t taken, previewing every template twice, and choosing fonts and colors as scrupulously as a bride picking her gown.

Now to attract some readers… I suppose all I need to do to pop-up in Google searches is shamelessly drop words like Robert Pattinson, New Moon, work from home, Tiger Woods, and playoff tickets. Heh heh.

Maybe I’ll even attract a few followers. (That’s you, Mom and DH.) But if you’re not my Mom or my DH, thanks for reading.