If I liked it then I should have put a crown on it.

So that root canal I had? Yeah, I never followed up to get the crown. If it was the kind of crown that came with a throne and scepter and royal authority then I would have been all over that. But noooo, it was a really expensive crown that people would never see and they wouldn’t even know to address me as Your Majesty.

Eventually, that tooth cracked and then… surprise! My dentist said it wasn’t possible to put a crown on anymore and it would have to be extracted. If I liked it then I should have put a crown on it (I’m so sorry) because I spent a fortune on it, all for nothing. Basically, I bought my tooth a Harvard education and it became a traveling street musician.

The dentist referred me to an oral surgeon to remove it. In the olden days you got drunk and your four closest friends held you down while someone with a rudimentary tool yanked out the offending tooth. That was before the invention of string and heavy doors to slam. Now we have doctors who stab your gums with needles full of Novacane and use forceps to pull teeth. What a relief, right?

Yesterday I had my appointment with the oral surgeon. Before he got started he asked me what kind of music I listened to. Thinking he was just making conversation, I regaled him with my eclectic taste in music. Maybe nerves made me chatty. “Oh, I’m an 80′s girl all the way. I also like 60′s and 70′s too. I like a lot music. Anything except country. I mean, I even like some opera songs. And African Blues! But country? How do people stand it? Not for me. No thank you…”

Finally, I shut up. Then I realized what he actually wanted was to know what background music to play while he did the procedure. He picked one of my preferred genres and said, “Let’s just see what the 60′s and 70′s gets us.” Then he chose a station on Pandora.

And that’s how I got my tooth extracted to Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get it On.”

Not the worst song to have played. What would have been? I leave it to the Internet at large to answer such a question.

This sounds like the makings of a Twitter trend where song titles are changed to dental-related stuff. Like, Bleachin’ by Jake Owen or This is How we Rinse by Florida Georgia Line. And the title of this blog post, of course.

Someone come up with the hashtag, please.

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