My daughter’s room is pretty typical of any teenager’s bedroom. There’s the requisite pictures of hunky Robert Pattinson on the walls. Dirty clothes strewn across the floor. Dishes that need to be brought to the kitchen. A dresser littered with magazines, hair accessories, and nail polish. And let’s put it this way: dusting and vacuuming aren’t words in Madison’s vocabulary.

I don’t get on her case very often about cleaning her room, although I really should. Today I told her it had to be cleaned spotless, no excuses. She’s starting school tomorrow and I think a cluttered room is a cluttered mind. So, after she’d started attacking the monstrous mess she called me in to show me. What I should have said is, “That’s great. You’ve made progress. Can’t wait to see it when it’s finished.” What I actually said was, “Are you serious? This is pathetic. I can’t believe you spent time cleaning just to have it still looking this messy.”

I wasn’t done grouching for the day. By mid-afternoon I was pretty groggy. Hudson woke me up a couple of times in the middle of the night, plus he got up early. I did a little house cleaning and braved the heat to go to the grocery store and Target. When it was time for Hudson’s nap I was hoping to get some rest too. Because he’s slightly under the weather (runny nose, sneezing) he was being fussy and I couldn’t get him to sleep. I wanted Lucas to help me so when I saw him relaxing on the couch what I should have said was, “I’d really appreciate a hand with Hudson. Are you too tired to help?” What I actually said was, “Seriously, dude? Are you kidding me?” As if he didn’t have a right to be as tired as me.

Shameful, I know. Yes, I did apologize but I’m still feeling guilty because that’s the thing about words – you can’t take them back.

I remember vividly one time where I didn’t say something I’d regret, albeit with a perfect stranger. It was mid December and I was on my lunch break getting something to eat for my boss and I. When I pulled into the parking lot of the strip mall there was a car full of teenagers and the driver decided he had the right-of-way, even though I can honestly say he didn’t. I had to slam on my brakes. He honked at me and I could read his lips as he cussed me out and flipped me the bird. I was furious! The nerve of him, I thought.

As it turned out we were all going to the same place. That hot-headed driver and his friends were in line ahead of me in the restaurant. When the driver saw me he glared at me, almost daring me to say something to him. Boy did I ever have some choice words to say… but I didn’t. I was the adult. I needed to act like it, whether or not he deserved a tongue lashing. I smiled at him very sweetly and said, “Merry Christmas.” He was shocked. It took him a second to digest this small act of kindness. “Merry Christmas to you, too,” was all he said before returning his attention to his friends.

About a week later I was out getting lunch for my boss and I again. This time I went to a fast food place that I hadn’t been to before. Guess who was working behind the counter, ready to make my sandwich? Yep, that cocky teenage driver. I’ll tell you what, if I’d said anything else to him that day I probably wouldn’t have let him make my food. What actually happened was that kid made one of the best fast food sandwiches I’d ever had and he was very generous with the toppings. It just goes to show you that there is truth in the Scripture that says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.”

Let’s just hope I learn to bridle my tongue better when it comes to my family. After all, they’re the most important people to me and I love them like crazy.