Teen Mom

Ever feel like giving a dose of reality to reality show stars? If I had the chance to sit down with the cast of MTV’s Teen Mom here’s what I would say.

Catelynn & Tyler

Catelynn: Actions always speak louder than words. Tyler has told you he loves you and he even proposed. But he also said he wanted space and asked you to move out, knowing you would have to move back in with your family four hours away and that it isn’t a good living situation for you. Then Tyler suddenly developed a jealous streak and got mad about you living in close proximity to an old boyfriend? Nah uh. He is looking for a way out of this relationship and, whether consciously or subconsciously, he wants to put the blame on you so he is absolved of the guilt for leaving his fiancè – who incidentally bore the child that you both placed for adoption. If nothing else, you need to think about leaving him because it is unacceptable, especially at your age, to have a man demanding your phone records.

Tyler: You have the right to end a relationship just because you want to. You don’t have to invent reasons to justify breaking up with Catelynn. It is enough to simply admit that this is no longer the person you want to spend your future with. On the one hand, it’s a sign of maturity to attempt to fix a relationship (i.e., going to counseling) rather than just ending it. But on the other hand, you have made your decision and you are hurting her worse by toying with her emotions. Rip the bandage off already.

Amber & Gary

Amber: Consider Gary’s fleeting interest in that other woman your wake-up call: he isn’t happy in your relationship and he will leave you as soon as a legitimate, better opportunity comes along… unless some serious changes are made. Did you learn nothing from watching Jon and Kate’s relationship publicly implode? You can’t continue to berate and belittle Gary without consequences. What you do having going for you is that aside from his one-time uncharacteristic wandering eye, by all appearances Gary loves you and wants to raise your child together. So if you want this relationship then take swift action now to repair it before it’s too late.

Gary: You’re out of work, living with Amber whom you have a child with, and you almost got her pregnant again. Do you really think that other single mom who started paying attention to you was interested in you or do you think being broadcast on MTV was part of the appeal? Nobody would blame for you being fed up with Amber’s lambasting you on a daily basis. However, it seems you do love her and you don’t have to be complacent (like Jon Gosselin) in this relationship. Demand the respect you deserve. Seriously consider getting into counseling. Amber will go. She loves you too.

Maci & Ryan

Maci: Choose your battles. Don’t aggravate the situation between you and Ryan over a pacifier. Just because it is unconscionable that some fathers abandon their children doesn’t mean you shouldn’t thank your lucky stars that Ryan still wants to be part of Bentley’s life. And I know you are probably lonely but forget about that old flame you’re trying to reconnect with. You can’t recapture the life you once had. It’s appropriate to mourn that loss but don’t wallow in a pity party too long because you have a son to raise. Instead of spending the free time you have when Bentley is with Ryan to date and hang out with friends, use it to get an education and better yourself. Yes, it’s a sacrifice but that’s what mothers do.

Ryan: When Maci was with you she bore the bulk of the parenting responsibilities. That is why she left – to get a break. Bravo for remaining an active part of your son’s life. Now you just need to get a decent job and pay your fair share to help support him. That will go a long way in keeping things nicey-nice between you and Maci. Forget about that other girl. You need to focus on getting your act together before you complicate things with another relationship.

Farrah & her mother, Debra

Farrah: Of all the teen moms featured you have it the worst: your baby’s father passed away and your close family is not a healthy support system. Going to see a counselor was a wise decision. Make sure you keep up with that. I’m no psychologist but you might want to ask your counselor about anti-depressants. You could have postpartum depression compounding the grief you have over your ex’s death and your family situation. Get it under control because right now, you’re on your own.

Debra: You are in serious denial about the domestic violence situation. Nobody believes your self-defense claim; in case you forgot, we all saw you backhand Farrah in season one. You probably need counseling even more than Farrah. Yes, she is very young but she is legally an adult now and you are done raising her. You need to step back and be the mom to Farrah and the grandmother to Sophia.

Phew. I could go on and on. Don’t you wish your own problems were as easy to solve as other people’s are?

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