“Nobody Ever Lends Money to a Man With a Sense of Humor”
My husband says the funniest things. We’re watching T.V. and the Kay Jewelers commercial comes on with their jingle, “Every kiss begins with Kay.” He says, “I’ll bet more kisses begin with beer.”
Lucas likes to play practical jokes on me. Sometimes he’ll take off my antenna topper and hide it in my glove box, waiting for me to notice. He’s been known to lie in wait for me to come home, armed with a can of silly string. Knowing that I’d soon be going through a box of my old pictures he put this plastic spider in it.
Not exactly lifelike but still – it’s not what I want to see when rummaging through a cardboard box in the garage. I’ve learned not to scream at these things. It only serves to encourage.
We have the oddest conversations too. I’ve often thought I should record some of them. Part of what makes them so funny is that Lucas can forget to tell me about a family gathering or a birthday party we’ve been invited to but he will recant the minutia of his day. Like yesterday he says, “On the way to my client’s office I stopped at Circle K for coffee. On the way home I went to the same Circle K for coffee again. Can you believe it was still the same pot? So, I had to make a fresh pot.” I said, “What? How could you possibly have known it was the same pot?” So he says to me, with all the patience of a kindergarten teacher, “Well, it was only obvious since the coffee pots were in the exact same configuration as before and there was all that condensation on top.”
Out of the blue he once announced: “Did you know that Hudson doesn’t have kneecaps?” I was a mixture of skeptical and scared. Was there something wrong with our baby? “It’s true,” he said. “All babies are born without kneecaps.” I had to Google it. Apparently they do have kneecaps but they’re made of cartilage and don’t turn into bone until between the ages of 2 and 6.
You never know what shocking revelation might come from a conversation with Lucas. Like last night after reading my first Aquarius & Jones post he said, “By the way, Peter’s not blond. He has brown hair.”
“He’s blond. Are you kidding me?”
But Lucas insisted, “No, he isn’t. He even described himself as having light brown hair. Plus,” he added, “I just watched an episode with Madison where Peter got kidnapped and the other Monkees described him as having light brown hair too.”
I was wavering but still unconvinced. “No way, you’re wrong.”
“It’s true. Go look.”
“Don’t have to. I’ve got it all right here in my memory,” I said, tapping my forefinger against my temple.
“Well, your memory’s tone and hue is off.” Just so I didn’t feel too bad he added, “I can see how you would think that though, if you got a preconceived notion from watching early episodes in black and white.”
That did it. I had to go look. And – knock me over with a feather – I think he may be right.
What do you think? Is it possible this qualifies as dark blond hair?
Totally unrelated to this and for no reason or purpose whatsoever, here’s the link to the song I’ve been listening to as I wrote this. I was really excited to finally find a good version of Icehouse’s Electric Blue. Woot woot!