Hudson wanted to make a list of all the things that scare him. He was quite serious about this task. He’d found a clipboard with some blank paper so he drew some lines on them with a purple crayon. Then he handed them to me and asked me to write this stuff down for him:
Whether they’re the kind that love to count on Sesame Street or the kind that sparkle, vampires are everywhere, especially around Halloween. Hudson has decided he doesn’t like them because no matter how cute they’re dressed up to be, vampires always say with an accent, “I want to suck your blood. Ah ha ha ha ha!”
Who does like blood, anyway? Phlebotomists?
When they’re not rattling around giving you an anatomy lesson, dem bones are scary bones.
4. Haunted houses
Yeah, me too, kid. I avoid them at all costs, usually under the guise that someone has to stay behind with Jolie.
I misunderstood him at first. “You’re scared of Mommy? Mommy’s not scary.”
“Nooo,” he said. “Other mummies.” Then he did the thing where he put his arms out like a sleepwalker and I realized what he was talking about – those once-dead-now-reanimated creatures that stumble around.
I had to wonder: what’s the difference between a mummy and a zombie? Apparently, nothing but bandages and length of deadness, unless you’re going to get all technical and say mummies are brought to life by magic and zombies have been resurrected by viral outbreaks, radioactive stuff, and bizarre science experiments. I don’t know. Potato, patattah.
7. Scary scarecrows
Not the dancing friend of Dorothy. Hudson means specifically scary scarecrows. You’ll recognize them by their glowing eyes.
I don’t believe in ghosts at all… but you wouldn’t catch me in a cemetery alone at night.
9. Scary Jack-O-Lanterns
There’s a fine line between a cute carved pumpkin and a scary Jack-O-Lantern. You know it when you see it.
10. Horrifying screams
“Horrifying” is the word he used so we’re not just talking about screams, like the kind you might hear on a roller coaster or at a football game. We’re talking about the screams the horror movie genre has perfected. Psycho shower scene, anyone?
I’m picturing a mad scientist’s laboratory with jars of brains on the shelves. I wonder what Hudson was thinking of?
12. The dark
Typical. That’s what night-lights are for.
If you ask me, werewolves are the least scary of the supernatural creatures since you have the full moon as a warning at least. Plus, you can carry a gun with silver bullets. What about vampires? You’re just supposed to walk around with stinky garlic all the time? And zombies… what about zombies?! Is there any proven method to defend against a zombie attack?
What makes the sound of howling scary? Because it might be a werewolf? Or is it that horror movies use this sound effect when a character is walking around alone in the dark, despite the fact that a homicidal maniac is on the loose?
15. Pumpkin heads that stand up and have bodies and hip bones
This is very specific. It made me laugh. It sounds like a Scooby-Doo villain in disguise who gets unmasked in the end, revealing himself to be the butler of a wealthy family who is attempting to steal their fortune. Sound familiar?
16. Blood cookies
What are blood cookies, you ask? That was my question too. Hudson described these as “cookies with frosting that looks like blood.”
17. People with blood on them
We can pretty much scratch off “doctor” from the list of Hudson’s potential careers.
Happy Halloween from Hudson!
P.S. He’s going as an astronaut. He was just trying on this crazy wig.